Bomberman

This classic blast from the past has lost some of its flare.

Platform: Nintendo Entertainment System, Game Boy Advance
Published by: Hudson Soft
Developed by: Hudson Soft
Genre: Action
Players: 1
US Release Date: 1987
ESRB Rating: Everyone - Mild Cartoon Violence

Story: As with many early video games, Bomberman lacks any form of deep, significant storyline, instead focusing on addicting, arcade-style gameplay. Bomberman is a robot worker who has tired of his monotonous existence in an underground bomb factory. He decides to throw away his old life to pursue a rumor that robots who escape the factory are transformed into humans upon reaching the surface. Unfortunately for Bomberman, he must first navigate a 50 floor maze of bricks, swarming with enemies he must blast into oblivion with his trusty bombs (which I assume are stolen company property).

The story doesn't deviate beyond these basic building blocks. To be honest, back in the '80s, no one really cared - they just wanted to blow shit up.

Escaping: You're doin' it wrong.

Graphics: Anyone expecting Bomberman to include hyper-realistic graphics, saturated in a lush color palette obviously missed out on the NES, and maybe shouldn't be reading my articles without parental consent. For those of you who are old enough to have enjoyed what the NES had to offer, you already know that there isn't a lot to Bomberman's visual presentation, beyond endless walls of drab bricks, goofy-looking enemies in various basic shades, and the frequent, cross-shaped blast of fiery, bomb-spawned destruction. Basic animations deliver exactly what they're intended to: enemies (and Bomberman) die with cartoony anguish etched into their faces, bricks disintegrate into nonexistence upon being blasted, and Bomberman waddles across the screen with all the finesse of a burnt-out, middle-aged, workaholic spending his lunch break at the company gym.

Despite the lack of any mind-blowing contributions to video game graphics, there is one major feature that sticks out about Bomberman: the eponymous character of the game, Bomberman established his signature look early on. Bomberman's classic appearance has remained, for the most part, unaltered, despite his jump from the NES onto almost every major gaming system since 1987. Without this introduction, perhaps the Bomberman of today would be without his unmistakable anime-inspired eyes, ball hands, white helmet, and stupid-looking antenna.

Despite his most genuine efforts to enforce justice, Bomberman's destruction of his underground factory made him an easy target for Homeland Security.

Sound/Music: Not much here, to be honest. Music is a standard, NES, bleeps-and-bloops fanfare, with little variety and surprisingly little staying power, despite the maddening repetition. The sound of Bomberman's detonating bombs is appropriate, and the "bling" noise when you acquire a power-up is cheerful and bright. However, the incessant tapping of Bomberman's footsteps might drive you to the point of intentionally killing the little bastard, which will leave you scratching your head in confusion when he lets out a death cry that can only be described as a mix between a duck call and a Japanese dirt bike.

Listen around 4:00. You'll get what I mean.

Gameplay: Bomberman is built on a user-friendly, action-oriented, arcadey gameplay style. As Bomberman, you must blast your way through a gauntlet of 50 brick mazes, teeming with various monsters, all possessing the ability to inexplicably kill you with a single touch. You may defend yourself by dropping bombs, which will explode after a set amount of time, destroying any bricks or enemies within their blast radius. However, each stage also has a 200 second time limit; if the timer reaches zero, then swarms of difficult enemies invade the screen to kill you. Fortunately for Bomberman, power-ups are randomly hidden within bricks in each stage, capable of giving him new abilities to fight off his enemies. Eventually, Bomberman is able to walk through brick walls, detonate bombs when he pleases, and strategically place up to ten explosives on the screen. Constantly upgrading Bomberman's abilities is a surprisingly satisfying journey.

Unfortunately, by the time you've collected enough power-ups to obtain all the available abilities, the game has lost most of its challenge, and therefore most of its fun. On top of the disappointing challenge curve is the absolutely atrocious enemy AI (or lack thereof). Although some of the more "challenging" enemies of the later game will give chase to Bomberman if they see him, most will still mindlessly charge into the path of an exploding bomb; this, paired with the giant mess of power-ups already accumulated by this point in the game, almost completely eliminates any need to fear death from your enemies. Essentially, enemies will begin to serve only as a minor annoyance, rushing ahead of each other with an idiotic determination to become bomb fodder. Even the ghosts of Pac-Man had the sense to flee once Pac-Man had eaten a special dot. In fact, the biggest challenges you'll probably face are: (a) accidentally trapping yourself in between a wall and a bomb in the early stages; (b) accidentally bombing a doorway, which will release new hordes of annoying enemies in your direction; and (c) keeping yourself interested enough to plod through all 50, quasi-identical levels. Players are given the opportunity to play a "bonus" stage after every five normal levels, but these also grow old, as their only purpose is to allow the player to go on a murderous rampage in hopes of earning extra lives, which are completely unneeded. Yawn.

Bomberman's Jesus Bomb crucifies another enemy.

Overall: While Bomberman is by no means a bad game, it really can't be called a great game either. Mediocre at best, Bomberman follows its formula almost too well, growing stale quickly and completely. While later iterations have added multiplayer, new upgrades, and boss battles, I feel that these areas were not where the critical flaws of the first game resided. Rather, instead of adding more, I feel Bomberman on NES should have offered less: cutting the number of levels in half, or even by a third would have made this experience far more enjoyable; offering players less power-ups would keep the challenge of the later enemies pertinent, and would require players to utilize some form of strategy to overcome adversaries.

While it may sound like I'm dishonoring and discrediting what Bomberman did for gaming (trust me, I'm not), I can't bring myself to call a game "great" simply for nostalgia's sake. However, I can confidently say that I'm glad Hudson Soft continued the Bomberman series after this incarnation: I consider some of this title's sequels and spin-offs among my favorite games of all time, and none of them would exist without Bomberman's foray onto the original Nintendo Entertainment System.

Score (out of 10): 6

Super Mario Bros.

If you've never played this game, I suggest you give up gaming. Forever.

Platform: Nintendo Entertainment System
Published by: Nintendo
Developed by: Nintendo EAD
Genre: Platformer
Players: 1-2
US Release Date: 1985
ESRB Rating: Everyone

Story: Who doesn't know the story of Mario? For those of you out there who remain unenlightened (read: ignorant), I will explain: Mario and Luigi are Italian plumbers (and, surprise! Brothers!) who are transported to the Mushroom Kingdom to save Princess Toadstool from the clutches of King Bowser, leader of the evil Koopas. Mario and Luigi must use all of their skills and cunning (which consists of running, jumping, and occasionally swimming) to outwit the Koopa king's army of minions and ultimately save the princess from whatever fate awaits her. Seriously though, does anyone else ever wonder what Bowser even intends on doing to/with the princess? Don't think about it too hard...you might hurt yourself.

This screenshot should be as iconic to you as a gamer, as bread is in the sandwich world.

Graphics: What can I say? It's the NES: 8-whole-bits of power coursing across your screen. While not much on the original Nintendo can compare to any of its successors, Super Mario Bros. definitely incorporates some quality visuals. While it's nothing too fancy, this early entry manages to effectively portray lush, green vegetation, bright blue sky, and fluffy white clouds as you sprint through the Mushroom Kingdom, slaughtering its denizens. Your transformations into Big Mario, Fire Mario, and Star Mario are all quick and only minimally flashy. Fire effects in Bowser's various castles are appropriately fiery. Goombas (the evil, mushroom foot soldiers of Bowser's army) are flattened to hilarious effect when you stomp on their heads. It's nothing special these days, but it sure did look nice back then.

Last time *I* jumped onto the top of a flagpole and slid down it, I didn't get 5000 points; I got blisters on my hands, and was later arrested.

Sound/Music: I guarantee you've heard the Mario Bros. theme song blasting from some douchebag's cellphone while walking through the mall at some point in your life. While I'm a fan of Koji Kondo's magnum opus, I feel the four other tracks he composed for Super Mario Bros. are deserving of much more attention than they have received over the past 25 years. From the light fanfare of the water worlds to the dark, menacing theme of Bowser's castle, Kondo's soundtrack remains appropriate throughout. I know I'm not the only one who can attest to getting sweaty palms when the timer hit "99" and those songs sped up to a terrifying tempo.

The sound effects of Super Mario Bros. are some of the most iconic in the genre of platforming: the "boing" of Mario's jump, the "boop" of stomping on a Koopa Troopa, and the gut-wrenching death-trill when an enemy or pitfall kills you. Simple as it gets, but just as unforgettable.

Gameplay: The basic premise of Super Mario Bros. is to rescue the Princess Toadstool from King Bowser by making your way to his castle. There are eight worlds, each consisting of four stages, to make it through before your final confrontation with the supreme Koopa. Each stage has a set time limit, and it's up to the player to get Mario through the hordes of enemies and past the various pitfalls before the timer reaches zero, which will cause him to inexplicably die.

Mario can initially perform two basic actions: run and jump. Fortunately, there are flashing blocks marked with a "?" littered throughout the Mushroom Kingdom that contain various power-ups. Should Mario collect a red and yellow mushroom, he grows to double his size and can smash bricks with his upraised fist while jumping. He can also take an extra hit of damage from enemies before dying. Fire Flowers will grant Mario the ability to throw fireballs at his enemies, and Starmen (bouncing, flashing stars with eyes) will give Mario temporary invincibility, allowing him to kill enemies simply by sprinting into them. Hidden throughout some levels are green and orange mushrooms that will give the player an extra life; the player can also earn extra lives by collecting 100 golden coins, which are found almost everywhere in each level. Levels where Mario must swim instead of walk on land occur at various points throughout the game, adding a small helping of welcome variety to the experience, but the gameplay objectives of these levels are virtually identical to their dry land counterparts.

There are a variety of enemies, power-ups, and secrets strewn throughout Super Mario Bros., and even a two-player mode (which consists of one player controlling Mario and one player controlling Luigi, each taking turns at beating a level). It's easy to see why this game served - and still serves - as the template for many of the games that followed it.

Son of a bitch, not again!

Overall: Super Mario Bros. is, without a doubt, one of the biggest landmarks in video gaming history. Without it, who knows if Nintendo would have continued the Mario franchise, which would have left us without many of the groundbreaking sequels and spin-offs the series inspired. Having been re-released countless times on countless systems, it is clear that Super Mario Bros. continues even presently as much more than a fond memory in the minds of many. If you're a gamer and you're a fan of any platformer, be sure to remember Mario's place at the roots of the genre; not as something archaic and defunct, but rather as the inspiration for many other great titles of today. Super Mario Bros. was not just the quintessential game of its time, but one of the quintessential games of all time.

Score (out of 10): 9.5