Bomberman

This classic blast from the past has lost some of its flare.

Platform: Nintendo Entertainment System, Game Boy Advance
Published by: Hudson Soft
Developed by: Hudson Soft
Genre: Action
Players: 1
US Release Date: 1987
ESRB Rating: Everyone - Mild Cartoon Violence

Story: As with many early video games, Bomberman lacks any form of deep, significant storyline, instead focusing on addicting, arcade-style gameplay. Bomberman is a robot worker who has tired of his monotonous existence in an underground bomb factory. He decides to throw away his old life to pursue a rumor that robots who escape the factory are transformed into humans upon reaching the surface. Unfortunately for Bomberman, he must first navigate a 50 floor maze of bricks, swarming with enemies he must blast into oblivion with his trusty bombs (which I assume are stolen company property).

The story doesn't deviate beyond these basic building blocks. To be honest, back in the '80s, no one really cared - they just wanted to blow shit up.

Escaping: You're doin' it wrong.

Graphics: Anyone expecting Bomberman to include hyper-realistic graphics, saturated in a lush color palette obviously missed out on the NES, and maybe shouldn't be reading my articles without parental consent. For those of you who are old enough to have enjoyed what the NES had to offer, you already know that there isn't a lot to Bomberman's visual presentation, beyond endless walls of drab bricks, goofy-looking enemies in various basic shades, and the frequent, cross-shaped blast of fiery, bomb-spawned destruction. Basic animations deliver exactly what they're intended to: enemies (and Bomberman) die with cartoony anguish etched into their faces, bricks disintegrate into nonexistence upon being blasted, and Bomberman waddles across the screen with all the finesse of a burnt-out, middle-aged, workaholic spending his lunch break at the company gym.

Despite the lack of any mind-blowing contributions to video game graphics, there is one major feature that sticks out about Bomberman: the eponymous character of the game, Bomberman established his signature look early on. Bomberman's classic appearance has remained, for the most part, unaltered, despite his jump from the NES onto almost every major gaming system since 1987. Without this introduction, perhaps the Bomberman of today would be without his unmistakable anime-inspired eyes, ball hands, white helmet, and stupid-looking antenna.

Despite his most genuine efforts to enforce justice, Bomberman's destruction of his underground factory made him an easy target for Homeland Security.

Sound/Music: Not much here, to be honest. Music is a standard, NES, bleeps-and-bloops fanfare, with little variety and surprisingly little staying power, despite the maddening repetition. The sound of Bomberman's detonating bombs is appropriate, and the "bling" noise when you acquire a power-up is cheerful and bright. However, the incessant tapping of Bomberman's footsteps might drive you to the point of intentionally killing the little bastard, which will leave you scratching your head in confusion when he lets out a death cry that can only be described as a mix between a duck call and a Japanese dirt bike.

Listen around 4:00. You'll get what I mean.

Gameplay: Bomberman is built on a user-friendly, action-oriented, arcadey gameplay style. As Bomberman, you must blast your way through a gauntlet of 50 brick mazes, teeming with various monsters, all possessing the ability to inexplicably kill you with a single touch. You may defend yourself by dropping bombs, which will explode after a set amount of time, destroying any bricks or enemies within their blast radius. However, each stage also has a 200 second time limit; if the timer reaches zero, then swarms of difficult enemies invade the screen to kill you. Fortunately for Bomberman, power-ups are randomly hidden within bricks in each stage, capable of giving him new abilities to fight off his enemies. Eventually, Bomberman is able to walk through brick walls, detonate bombs when he pleases, and strategically place up to ten explosives on the screen. Constantly upgrading Bomberman's abilities is a surprisingly satisfying journey.

Unfortunately, by the time you've collected enough power-ups to obtain all the available abilities, the game has lost most of its challenge, and therefore most of its fun. On top of the disappointing challenge curve is the absolutely atrocious enemy AI (or lack thereof). Although some of the more "challenging" enemies of the later game will give chase to Bomberman if they see him, most will still mindlessly charge into the path of an exploding bomb; this, paired with the giant mess of power-ups already accumulated by this point in the game, almost completely eliminates any need to fear death from your enemies. Essentially, enemies will begin to serve only as a minor annoyance, rushing ahead of each other with an idiotic determination to become bomb fodder. Even the ghosts of Pac-Man had the sense to flee once Pac-Man had eaten a special dot. In fact, the biggest challenges you'll probably face are: (a) accidentally trapping yourself in between a wall and a bomb in the early stages; (b) accidentally bombing a doorway, which will release new hordes of annoying enemies in your direction; and (c) keeping yourself interested enough to plod through all 50, quasi-identical levels. Players are given the opportunity to play a "bonus" stage after every five normal levels, but these also grow old, as their only purpose is to allow the player to go on a murderous rampage in hopes of earning extra lives, which are completely unneeded. Yawn.

Bomberman's Jesus Bomb crucifies another enemy.

Overall: While Bomberman is by no means a bad game, it really can't be called a great game either. Mediocre at best, Bomberman follows its formula almost too well, growing stale quickly and completely. While later iterations have added multiplayer, new upgrades, and boss battles, I feel that these areas were not where the critical flaws of the first game resided. Rather, instead of adding more, I feel Bomberman on NES should have offered less: cutting the number of levels in half, or even by a third would have made this experience far more enjoyable; offering players less power-ups would keep the challenge of the later enemies pertinent, and would require players to utilize some form of strategy to overcome adversaries.

While it may sound like I'm dishonoring and discrediting what Bomberman did for gaming (trust me, I'm not), I can't bring myself to call a game "great" simply for nostalgia's sake. However, I can confidently say that I'm glad Hudson Soft continued the Bomberman series after this incarnation: I consider some of this title's sequels and spin-offs among my favorite games of all time, and none of them would exist without Bomberman's foray onto the original Nintendo Entertainment System.

Score (out of 10): 6

Assassin's Creed

Ubisoft puts a hit out on boring gameplay.

Platform: Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, PC
Version Reviewed: Xbox 360
Published by: Ubisoft
Developed by: Ubisoft Montreal
Genre: Action
Players: 1
US Release Date: November 13, 2007
ESRB Rating: Mature - Blood, Strong Language, Violence

Story: The year is 2012, and you are placed into the shoes of...Desmond Miles, a scrawny, weenie of a bartender, who can't even run. Desmond is kidnapped by Abstergo, a pharmaceutical company using cutting-edge technology in secretive, and most likely illegal research. Abstergo makes Desmond a guinea pig for a machine called the Animus - a piece of equipment reminiscent of the chairs used by Neo in The Matrix, and capable of letting an individual relive the memories of their ancestors via their genetic code, in a virtual reality/dream-like state. After Desmond is plugged into the Animus, the game shifts points of view, as well as time periods: enter Altaïr ibn La-Ahad (say that three times fast), an assassin from the year 1191, during the Third Crusade of the Holy Land. This viewpoint starts off with Altaïr's master and leader of the the Assassin's, Al Mualim, tasking the young assassin with finding an artifact known as the "Piece of Eden"; however, during the mission, Altaïr breaks the three rules of his sect's Creed, endangering the lives of his companions and failing the mission. Altaïr's rank is stripped, and it is up to the player to complete missions for Al Mualim, in turn restoring his honor within the clan. The primary targets of these missions are members of the crusading Knights Templar, all of whom are connected in some sort of secret plot.

As the player progresses through the game and the bodies start to pile up, the story develops from simple, badass assassination missions into something much more: the rabbit hole gets much deeper, twisting religion and mythology into a conspiracy that binds the past and the present together. Loyalties and ideologies are tested, but unfortunately so is player patience - there are moments during Assassin's Creed during which the story crawls to a snail's pace, bogging down an otherwise intense and action-packed experience. While these instances can be painfully boring at times, pushing through them will reward the player with some really deep, unique storytelling - with Ubisoft doing an amazing job of incorporating some historical accuracy into the mix - that is well worth the wait.

"Hello Face?"
"Yeah, Hidden Blade?"
"Let's meet up sometime. How about now?"
"OK."

Graphics: Graphically, Assassin's Creed is a mixed bag: for every glaring jagged texture and moment of framerate lag, there is an equally impressive breathtaking environment or top-notch character animation. There were times during Assassin's Creed when I literally put down my Xbox controller and just stared at the beauty unfolding on my TV screen; Ubisoft did an excellent job of injecting real, vibrant life into the cities of Jerusalem, Acre, and Damascus. Lighting effects and impressive fabric movement effects are just some of the minor details the development team threw in that make this title really shine. The occasional poor framerate only seems to affect the game during intense action/chase sequences, or when new areas of a city are being loaded (and trust me, the cities are pretty much huge), and even then only minimally detracts from the experience.

The realism of the character models and details of the environments add some incredible emotion to each and every interaction, making it amazingly easy to get pulled into the world of the 12th century Holy Land. Blood splatters from felled guards, the flash of blades in the sunlight, and the wind blowing through Altaïr's cloak as he sprints across rooftops are all captured with the brilliance of a Hollywood movie. Even the menus are designed with aesthetic value in mind, coming up sharp, bright, and crisp.

Though at times flawed, Assassin's Creed is overall a very pretty game, and shows off some of the 360's finer graphical capabilities.

Views like this one made my jaw drop so far that it hit me in the crotch. So worth it.

Sound/Music: Assassin's Creed boasts an impressive score composed by Jesper Kyd, ranging in tone from dark and brooding, to majestic and epic, to high-paced and explosive. Chase scenes, battles, and story elements are all appropriately accompanied by Assassin's Creed's sweeping soundtrack. A Latin chorus and powerful orchestra add to the ominous and heavy tone already set by the game's storyline.

Sound effects in this game are fitting for the settings and inevitable ensuing action: marketplaces are initially filled with quietly murmuring crowds, preaching holy men, and whimpering beggars; start a fight with a Templar guard, and the whole street will become a mess of screaming civilians and clanging swords. Ambient noise is an important part of the experience, with some missions requiring Altaïr to eavesdrop on conversations from nearby hiding places. Guards will also offer verbal cues that they are suspicious of your actions, making it easy to know when to duck into an alleyway or bale of hay to avoid detection.

As far as voice acting is concerned, Ubisoft did an excellent job of casting...save for one individual: Altaïr, our bold protagonist. While the rest of the cast does a great job of spicing up the dialogue with vibrant emotion and authentic-sounding accents, Altaïr's voice actor seems intent on draining all life out of his performance. I have trouble believing that Altaïr is committed to his mission or beliefs when he can't inflect beyond a plodding monotone.

Despite this solitary drawback, the audio of Assassin's Creed is as solid as it gets.

Gameplay: What is cooler than being an assassin? The answer should be "nothing"; however, Assassin's Creed suffers from several drawbacks that prevent it from achieving this idea. While the gameplay may feel varied during the first few hours of your quest - and believe me, the gameplay is incredibly solid - eventually the novelty begins to wear thin. Altaïr's action sequences are broken up by Desmond's interactions with members of Abstergo in the present, which end up being utterly forgettable at best. While it's a blast figuring out the most efficient strategy of assassinating a major target, the path to get to these too-few-and-far-between missions quickly becomes undeniably tedious. Assassin's Creed tries to remedy this by including a number of "side quests," but these ultimately end up being pointless (unless you REALLY want those achievement points). My biggest qualm is with the investigation quests: pickpocketing Templars or eavesdropping on two palace guards is entertaining for only so long before it becomes a mindless chore. Should you fail a timed assassination of Templar targets for one of your assassin brethren, you will be forced to listen to his full explanation of your mission, without an option to skip the dialogue. A flawed lock-on/camera system combo will occasionally impede some from successful combat encounters.

Fortunately, Assassin's Creed offers some great nonlinear gameplay to spice up the tedium of random guard fights, exploration, and investigation quests. The open world, Grand Theft Auto-style "kill anyone, at any time" ideal works well with this game, allowing the player to choose when to take on certain tasks essential to progressing the storyline. While the weapons roster is limited to only four different blades (longsword, short blade, hidden blade, and throwing knives), experimenting with each to find out its unique tactical advantage is guaranteed entertainment. Assassin's Creed also boasts one of the most fluid, user-friendly counter systems I've ever experienced, making devastating combos and reversals as easy as a single button-push, and allowing you to sit back and watch Altaïr's brutality unfold on screen.

In terms of gameplay, the strong points outweigh the weaker moments of Assassin's Creed, but unfortunately stepping into the shoes of an assassin feels far less badass than it should.

Altaïr is a master of disguise, capable of avoiding detection by any pursuer. Here he is using one of his favorite, most efficient disguises: Bench-sitting guy.

Overall: Without a doubt, Assassin's Creed does exactly what an action game should do: it gives the player the opportunity to take on the role of a hardass protagonist and embark on a quest of considerable proportion. Assassin's Creed does a great job of presenting its unique plot of conspiracy and mystery, while its soundtrack sets an appropriately ominous tone; a strong battle system, and some gorgeous graphics help flesh out an overall entertaining package. Unfortunately, this game falls victim to a handful of flaws not uncommon to this particular genre. In truth, the positive aspects of Assassin's Creed outdo most, if not all, of the negatives, leaving the player with a solid game definitely worth checking out. Unfortunately, the drawbacks that are present detract from an experience that should have otherwise been far more epic. Without ruining anything, the disappointing, cliffhanger ending of Assassin's Creed opens the doors wide for Assassin's Creed 2, a sequel so powerful that any downfalls of this game can be easily overlooked and forgotten. So, go ahead and take the plunge, and let Altaïr's 12th century world of secrecy and death consume you; you might walk away a little disappointed, but I guarantee you'll crave Ubisoft's second helping of this series.

Score (out of 10): 8